But what about me ?

Summer holidays.

I used to love those 2 words. For me, it was also freedom, and just procrastination. Well, it's still right about the second one. But the thing is, as I grow up, I'm getting easily bored. Don't get me wrong, I think procrastination is one of the best thing in the world, but, and this summer especially, I hardly stand doing nothing during my day. Even watching series or movies doesn't attract me anymore. I still love watching two or three episodes from time to time but only at night, and not every day.

Actually, I don't really know what I wanna do. All I know is that doing nothing isn't good. And since I don't live in this town during academic term, I don't really have friends there, so I can't go out. So here I am, surfing on the internet, googling "spend holidays without getting bored" (pitiful I know). But actually, I found this site http://www.wikihow.com/Spend-One's-Holidays-Without-Getting-Bored I wouldn't say this is the most inspiring website, but actually I found some ideas. For example, this blog. I always wanted to write one, but was too lazy to create it, thinking that I wouldn't regularly write anyway. Well I'm still not sure about the last one, but at least, I created it. And I'm writing. At least one thing checked on my to-do-list. I also decided to read. Well I already read a lot. But this time, I've decided to read more serious books (I usually read Fantasy ones). You know, the kind of books that make you think. And I've decided to read it in my garden. I live in the South, I might as well enjoy the sun (my legs are waaaay too white). And then, there is one thing that I've been thinking about for a long time, it's writing. A lot of my friends write so I just want to try. But really try (I've always tried few times but lost motivation the day after). But I'm still not sure about it. 

And, of course, I've decided to lose some weight (but i'll write about it in anothe article). And to do so, I've been thinking about doing some sport. Like sit-ups, swimming, and maybe skipping rope. And this time I really wanna lose weight. And not just my motivation.

I almost forgot. I need to study. Spanish, Italian and Korean. (I honestly don't know why I've been so bored until now).

But in the mean time, I think I did enough for today.

My biggest personal problem is, and has always been my lack of self-esteem (and with that comes the self-confidence problem). I know this is a common problem, and a lot of people have to live with it but, hey it's still a problem right ?

Anyway. Recently, I've been reading a lot of blogs/tumblr, watching a lot videos about how you have to love yourself and stop caring about what others say about you, how they look at you. Well, theoretically, I couldn't agree more with this. I mean, how great would it be to just love yourself no matter what, to love your body even with all its flaws ? We all wanna think that way. But, the more I think about it, the more it depresses me. First, I've rarely met people proud of their body. You can't do all the diet you want, all the sport you want, put on all the make up you want, there will always be something wrong about it. I'm not saying it should be like this, I'm just stating a fact. Honestly, if you're proud of your body, that's great, and I really mean it. Second, given the way our society is right now, it's just impossible not to care about the way people look at you. You know, "the first impression is generally the right one". Well I got this feeling that, now, this first impression is generally based on the appearance. I mean, if someone's appearance doesn't please you, when you finally get to talk to them, you won't see them with a total neutral-look. Well I'm not sure if I'm clear (Note that I'm not trying to give a lecture because I know I've already done it. Not that I'm proud of it. But I just think it can't be helped. And that's why saying we don't give a damn of other people's opinion is just a way to persuade ourselves. Well at least that's my point of view).

Anyway, reading/watching about this topic really depresses me, and reminds me how I give too much credit to people's opinion. And how it just reinforces my lack of self-esteem, thinking that I just don't fit to the expected standards of our society.

I've always been thinking about creating a blog where I could write everything I want, without being judged. But, I've never done it. Until now.

I've been thinking a lot recently and, well, I felt that I needed to write it. Because I know I won't be able to talk about it, and keeping it for myself is just gonna eat me.

It's like a personal diary. Except my mom won't find it.

So yeah, nothing new, nothing interesting. And I'm not even thinking about telling people that I know about this blog. I'll probably write it as if I someone was reading it but, you know, it's better pretending that you're talking to someone, instead of repeating to yourself what you already know.